Some days you just want to crawl into the bathtub with a sharp blade.. And you pray to whatever god you worship that you are brave enough to dig the blade in deeply so that you may have that sweet release you yearn for.. But it never comes..

And then I think to myself that it's always my fault, that it will always be my fault- and no matter what ( Read more... )

So.. Laying here in the dark, it's currently 2:27am. Tears come on and off. I'm not sure if it's loneliness or the acceptance that I Am Alone. That part of me wants to go back, an I'm not sure why. I realize that I don't know who I am without someone else. I don't like that. I don't exist to be with someone else.. I can be my own person too, I ( Read more... )

Fighting.. Again. I would like to say that I'm surprised, but I would be lying. There's nothing new there and our arguments still haven't really changed. Neither of us can se to budge and understand the other. I just want things to be open between us, and get snapped at when I ask about what he's doing "Whatever I want". Then again, I think Andrew ( Read more... )

I'm not sure what's wrong with me... Been depressed on and off all morning.. Just.. I dunno. Feel a little disconnected, lost.. I went to bee sad and I'm not sure why, either.. I guess part of it is the fighting, which each time we fight hurts me a little more inside. I know he says all couples fight.. Just never had this before - I think I've ( Read more... )

Sigh.... I feel like I'm only here when things are bad, anymore.

Things are better, though. Up and down. Fighting and peace. I think a lot of our stress is this place - Xan treats me like less than garbage.. And we are moving soon - thank the gods because I'm not sure how much longer I could stand this place. I have never loathed anyone As much as ( Read more... )